Well folks, today was a sad one for me. You see today is the anniversary of my mum's passing. I miss her every day, but particularly her anniversary is hard. My mum was the one person who had total belief in me, on so many levels. She felt that I was the best thing she ever created, though a product of an unhappy and highly dysfunctional marriage that ended in divorce - before I was born. Mum always felt my positivity, resilience in tough times and my love of education and evidence astounding. Until recently, until nieces and nephews came along, I was the only family member who successfully completed a university degree. A moment, not only I was proud to achieve, but mum secretly was thrilled. My grandparents too just quietly. But you know, I realise now, that what I strived for, the business I have today, the work I do today, is not only from my evolving, but also importantly, the influence of my loving family, who supported me, even when I thought they didn't. Their tough love, at times very tough. Their sometimes unforgiving nature and their inability to see the value of education (really only because they didn't have the knowledge), made me who I am today. I guess in terms of Emotional Intelligence, my beloved, now spirit family were there with me every step of the way. And with me now, through all life's challenges. And although today is a sad day me, I still am getting up in the morning, facing the day
and it's new challenges. So if there is one thing that's a takeaway for me today, is, it's ok to be sad. To revisit your grief and to reflect on what's been achieved. I hope in some way this might inspire you to reflect, hold your own hand, go gently into the world and know that you too are loved. And that even though, whilst growing up we may not recognise the importance of those family ties that made us who we are. That we made it. We are still here. Go gently.
Probably one of the most important rules of thumb, is if you want something badly enough you will follow up. Not every two days, but set a timeline between you and your client when to follow up and make sure you keep to this.
Sometimes, life and work gets in the way of making this follow up effective or when originally timed, but more often than not, being the human beings we are, often procrastination can get in the way. And you nor I are not the first people in the world to suffer from this affliction. The only way we can change this is doing it.
So if you feel that you have put off that follow-up call, email or meeting for too long, what's the worst that could happen? The client could say no, give the business to a competitor or might just have been as caught up as you and was happily reminded by you about your original call and happy to continue. You could even be the bearer of a greater surprise, the business!
Travel well peeps!
Sales calls are often widely under-rated by the general population. Most see them as a call they receive when they are preparing dinner or on the way to their next important meeting etc. But without receiving them, especially in business, we might miss out on a particular product that might just solve a need. We might benefit from their inclusion. Friends who believe they aren't sales people, yet generate business through making calls and having meetings, I'm sorry but you are a sales person. In fact, everyone in every business is a sales person, they just don't know it. From receptionist to CEO. Every contact with a potential customer either face-to-face or by phone is a contact that could potentially add value to your business or not. Those who believe they aren't sales people, who make a call, whether they believe it is for an educative purpose or not, it's still a sales call. And if they don't know the person, the call is certainly a what they call in the business, a cold call.
But why there is a definition between a software engineer and a sales person, might be just that the level of dedicated skill and experience is different and in some cases educational requirements for which to perform the role. Those in business that are referred to as Sales people may not be the expert in a chosen field (but they might), but they are good at developing relationships with new people and reading situations and needs well. Sales people are mostly likable (mostly :) and work to target. And those who are called engineers, or clinical care people in pharmaceutical companies would certainly hold qualifications in a vast array of specialist areas, but are still sales people, promoting the products and services for the brand they work for. It's just delivered in a different way. Skills, especially in specialist area, are also a formidable force.
So a big call out to all those who cold call, it takes guts. You need to be fearless in your pursuit of success, whatever that is for you. Go forth, be mighty and be proud.
Ask me how passionate I am about changing the narrative of how we talk about mental health in the workplace and what we can do to not only retain incredibly talented staff and improve performance and workplace happiness? At the very minimum, with absenteeism and attrition of staff within the workplace due to challenges new or old with Mental Health, suggests we can no longer bury our heads. We need to start leading the discussion and use our Emotional Intelligence to work with what is and to make things better. It is possible.
I know that we all need to reach our deadlines and revenue targets as Leaders within business, but we really need to have a discussion, get trained and open a dialogue and really educate ourselves about Mental Health First Aid. Not only Leaders, but staff, and the community. We are so focused on fixing a broken limb or knowing what to do when we cut ourselves, but what about something that costs Australian business more than any other challenge - Mental Health? The disease of burden, makes the challenges of Mental Illness number 3 on the list behind Cancer and Cardiac Arrest. But when you look at the real cost and significant deficit in well being, challenges with Mental Health in Australia is No.1, as per the 2011 study (the latest) from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.
So I ask you, what are your thoughts and let's start leading the world wide discussion on what's happening and the trends that we can no longer ignore. Ask me how? I would love to hear from you. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org or phone 0417688236. Travel well, till next time.
So what is tuning in and why is it so important when you are looking at Emotional Intelligence? Tuning In, is living conscious. Through out the day we experience so many states of consciousness, think about it? Auto pilot much? Brushing our teeth, driving to work, listening to music in the car on the way, getting dressed in our usual business attire - no real conscious thought here? Even wondered why when we take the same route constantly, same driving route, same walking route to work, to home, it's almost robotic right? I challenge you to wake up at each of these intervals. Really notice what's going on. Feel what's happening on inside you as you do this common daily tasks and live.
Recognise the soothing of the water running down your body in the shower, as Picasso says "washing the dust away" (real meaning of art, but think of the art as water in this instance) and consciously be present. How does that feel? Do you recognise when you go into auto pilot mode and what this might mean to any of your business transactions in the day? Think about it? Imagine, what one small change in that direction might mean? Will it have a ripple effect and open your eyes to many of the greatest joys of life and also to some of life's unfair disparities?
We are worthwhile don't you think? Not merely in a monetary sense, but in a human sense, our very own connection to us is just waiting? I would be interested in hearing more. Travel well.
Knowing when to take an opportunity and develop it, is sometimes as important as recognising it's fragility when it arises.
How many important business opportunities have you passed by due to fear, or even not recognising the opportunity when it approaches?
Recently, I was contacted to deliver training to a group of 25 health care professionals last minute due to family illness. Due to tight scheduling, often I have to let these go, however, on this occassion, the window offered great timing. I took it with gusto and have not looked back.
So what I would like to say to all of you who feel fear when an offer approaches, think about it, reflect on it, breath into it and give yourself a moment to truly evaluate it's potential.
Using your intuitive and natural ability to tune in to your very own and unique emotional intelligence is what it's all about.
"Have Fun, Be Happy, Take Care" This incredible phrase was spoken to me by a client whilst counselling overnight. What an incredible saying and so powerful. Just like the ancient Hawaiian practise of forgiveness ho'oponopono, meaning ho'o (to make) and pono (right), with it's repetition meaning to make right to both self and others. To say "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you" helps all of us let go of body held resentment.
Why not try saying it every morning and every night for two weeks and let us know how you feel. Say it to those we love, to those we have hurt, to ourselves, gently and with care. Remember to share the above mantra too "have fun, be happy, take care" with everyone.
Let's start changing the emotional intelligence of the world. We need each to take responsibility for our footprint, to positively change and move into directions of love and respect for each other. Not just living with the capitalistic ideal that money is our God. It is merely a tool and an empty one at that, if that is all there is.
Let's become conscious of who we are and who we wish to become.
Busy, busy, busy. How to find calm in the eye of the storm, one of the ABC's of Emotional Intelligence
Like most people, regardless of status of function, there are times when business demands can become quite overwhelming and the time to reflect and challenge what's going on around us is not available. Or so we think?
This week, in particular, has presented itself as quite the challenge, where work has been literally thrown at me from all parts of my work life, don't get me wrong, I love to be busy and challenged, but not so much that I loose sight of being able to think and reflect, on what it is I should really be focusing on.
Time to think and reflect are precious moments we all deserve to reserve for ourselves, whether we are in business for ourselves or working for others. It's a precious moment that allows us the permission to connect with our true value and pursuits. Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not perfect, but acutely aware of there are times when true reflections not possible.
Self awareness is one of the most important and key atributes of Emotional Intelligence that everyone can tap into. But it is also about being conscious, or living in a conscious way. It's about recognising your goals, and keeping them in sight, regardless of the goals and agendas of others who control the purse strings.
Would be interested in hearing peoples comments. Wishing you a good week and much success.
Let's talk about reactions and the challenges others present. How about a person you intensely dislike as they haven't quite treated you kindly in the past and now that they seem to have forgotten the pain they caused, they just go about their way, creating wreckage for others. Or what about letting your baby child stay overnight for the first time at their friend’s house and dealing the intense anxiety that comes up surrounding this? The amygdala at the base of the brain, is the part that flips its lid so to speak, creating the impulsive anxious reactions in a split second. Separating emotion from rationale.
Control however, can be regained but I believe it is a trained response and one that often needs the most assistance. This belongs to the prefrontal areas, neurologists suspect, the making sense part, which can be pulled into reality, by the breath and by being conscious in the moment and really seeing and noticing what is going on. But we often forget to breath, when it's so important.
When intense emotion is triggered, these prefrontal lobes perform the risk/benefit ratio of the brain, when to attack or run....the fear/fight/flight response and how we manage this.
Again, completely natural response and nothing to be ashamed of, however, breathing through and recognising the trigger and deciding to deal with it later is often a great Emotionally Intelligent strategy.
I use journaling techniques, others may draw, some might write songs, or plan the next response. Whatever it is for you. Don't forget, there are wades of research into these very keen responses and how we manage them. Emotional Intelligence and those that use it with mastery are great inspirational leaders to watch, such as like Michelle Obama
Just like a sneeze, we can catch the bad thoughts of others that can potentially misinform our decisions. I wonder if you have ever stopped to wonder why something so simple and unimportant made you so angry and anxious enough you wanted to break out in tears? Or if you stopped to think this behaviour had been witnessed by you and then made you feel incredibly uneasy, to repeat observed behaviour that wasn't even yours in the first place?
Daniel Colman (1996) stated that "anger builds on anger", I would take it further and say like anxiety it can appear contagious unless contained. And that keeping a lid on it is one of ours and society's biggest challenges.
To combat this, it's a suggestion of soothing the endless loop of what some term as melodrama or dissociative behaviour and that these thoughts being affected is a natural human trait, it's about letting it out in controlled and intelligent ways. And about protecting your own boundaries and limiting the discovery of these very raw emotions from those that could potentially do you more harm than good, especially in business.
Raw and very honest emotions should really be saved for those who care most about you and for those who can support you through, or a confidential session with your therapist.